Funeral Homes

The first thing you must do is try to select your funeral home in advance--far in advance, as when an aging or seriously sick loved one is still healthy enough that they just could live for a number of years yet. This may sound morbid, but it's best to do your selecting when you aren't burdened by intense emotions, kind of like not going to the supermarket to shop on an empty stomach. You can rationally prepare for the future if you aren't staring the unpleasant reality in the face. Also, most people will only select a funeral home once in their lives, so you probably don't want to screw it up--especially not in a way that gets you ripped off, as we'll see later.

Visit different funeral homes in the area, and speak with the directors about the packages they offer and what they can give you. Know what kind of music can be selected, what the flower arrangement packages are, how they could accommodate your religious, spiritual, or cultural beliefs or customs, and the like. This is also the time to pick out your casket. It's important, here, that you not get shafted. Also, by federal law, any funeral home must quote you prices over the telephone if you ask them to--they cannot refuse this. So calling around can help you out with time and expenses, too.

Family run funeral homes are often the best choice. They know how to add a personal touch. They are often familiar with local residents. And they have a reputation to uphold.

The funeral homes business is still a competitive business, and perhaps the most highly protected one in the United States. Many states have laws that say a funeral director must be part of handling a dead body, and federal law from the FTC allows funeral homes to charge you for "unallocated overhead"--something no other business can do. This means for you that a poorly-run funeral home could still rake in a ton of money, and they could do so by greatly overacharging for the particular preparation fees that they are permitted by federal laws to be compensated with. (Studies have proven that many funeral homes do exactly that.)

So, there are many funeral homes which will attempt to get you to buy the highest-priced casket that they can stick you with, too. One of the tricks of the trade is ushering you in and showing you three caskets each of a different price range. Funeral homes research has proven definitely that the usual person will select one of the first three caskets shown to them. So the trick is for the home to size you up (based on your dress, your mannerisms, anything they many know about your family, etc) and then show you three caskets in success: one that they figure you'll find easily affordable and maybe even think is "too cheap" for your beloved's final departure, one that they figure you may find too expensive, and then one that is priced just right, in the middle between those two extremes--but it's certainly not the least expensive one they could offer you. Sometimes they'll even show you one with spring bedding inside and claim that it's "more comfortable"--as if the dead person really cares.

Another parlor trick of this trade is to display very nice, well-made caskets that are among the cheapest they sell by showing only those with garish painting or other jarring features, so that you can feel as if they showed you the "budget casket" and proved to you that it wasn't what you want. But, if you like the design of such a cheap casket, just not the coloring or other superficial details, remember: funeral homes can order and receive a replacement model in the color and detailing that you would prefer within 24 hours!

Finally, don't go for caskets that are designed to keep out the elements forever like some canopian jar. These things are going into the ground--none of them are keeping out the elements of decay for very long. Why pay for a dead body to be protected for a few extra days?

Consider the location of the funeral home, too. It is probably a good idea not to have it very far away from the cemetery that you'll be using unless you're in a situation where you'll have to ship it out of state. If the latter's not the case, then try to at least keep it within the same city as the cemetery. Also inquire whether the funeral home will be able to make funeral arrangements if your loved one dies when you are away somewhere.

Also, see if the funeral home can guide you about where you can have the wake after the funeral. This way, the funeral home's personnel can prepare everything while you attend the services and the burial.

Federal law requires that a funeral home provide you with a GPL (general price list) in writing. You are also given an itemized statement representing your final list of expenses when you contract a funeral with a home. Make sure that this list of prices includes nothing more than what you have asked for--never assume that it doesn't. Once it's to your liking, sign the contract immediately, even if you don't have to--then there's no way that any underhanded schemes can take place to get you signing something that includes slipped-in fees later.

Remember, funeral homes are competitive businesses. There's nothing wrong with that, but they have some peculiarities about their stock in trade, obviously. And as mentioned above, they enjoy very unusual legal protection. Don't take your selection process lightly; don't make assumptions unless you know the directors personally; and try to plan ahead, during the time when you can think straight.

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